A list of Christmas (sports) wishes

December 4, 2008 by Matt Maxson 

 

Dear Santa,

I made a deal with my Rabbi a few years ago. I was excused from the Sabbath and in return I’d stop praying for sports-related wishes.

I’ve kept up my end of the bargain, but I can’t hold my tongue any longer. With the economy looking as bad as Dick Vitale’s combover, I’m sure you’re getting a lot of requests, but there are lots of boys and girls at UNLV that could really use your help.

Little Wink Adams and friends would really like another Mountain West Conference Championship, and they’ve done a lot of good things to deserve it.

Head coach Lon Kruger is letting everyone play in the games, even Scotty “Tiny Tim” Hoffman is getting first half minutes. Little Tre’Von Willis and Oscar Bellfield have been really good at sharing minutes at point guard and, from what I hear, sharing toys.

These boys have been very good, Santa, I think you can find it in your heart to put a little trophy under that tree.

The Rebel ice hockey team has done really well this season as they won 19-straight games to start off the year. I’m sure little Ryan Krametbauer would love a new hockey stick and maybe a chance to play for the Division-II Championship.

He’s been really good at getting the boys to play nicely together. I know those letters from Aaron Baca may have you eyeing him for the naughty list, but I ask you to reserve judgment until all the court proceedings are settled. You have reindeer; I’m sure you know how to pass the buck.

I’m sure little Krametbauer would also like a bit more ink in The Rebel Yell. Do you think you could find a way to get me press releases about their games?

Baseball coach Buddy Gouldsmith is having a tough time. After underperforming he was only given a one-year contract extension to help get the Hustlin’ Rebels into shape. He’s really worried and could use a little bit of help. With a laugh that I’m sure you’d find enviable, I know you could find it in your heart to get Buddy some new recruits, possibly a couple in the top 200.

Mario Sanchez has helped turn the men’s soccer team around after recruiting forward Danny Cruz. The team was 8-9-1 as they lost their last five games. Is there anyway you could bring Sanchez another Danny Cruz?

While you’re at it, the women’s soccer team missed it’s opportunity for a fifth straight MWC Championship, I know there’s a way you can make it right. Why don’t you give the senior girls another year of eligibility? No reason to send them out on a sour note!

The Mtn. television network is celebrating it’s second full year of broadcasting in Las Vegas and in two years that channel has never ever been broadcast on campus.

Not once.

Do you think you could convince the nice people who jury-rigged the campus’s cable together to add the sports channel after two years of hem and hawing about it? I’m sure the kids in the dorms that pay more than $5,000 a semester to live there would appreciate it. Maybe add HBO while you’re at it.

Then there’s football. Oh football.

Head coach Mike Sanford nearly doubled his career win total before the fall to San Diego State. 

There may not be a lot that you can do for Sanford, so how about you just get him another defensive coordinator. I hear the fourth time is the charm.

Maybe former New Mexico coach Rocky Long will be willing to come to Vegas and add some stability to this team. Do you think you could fit him into your sack?

And I’m sure Sanford would like a little something else, it won’t take up much room on your sleigh. All Sanford wants next year is a bowl bid.

As for quarterback Omar Clayton, there won’t be any room in your sack to give him anything. But I must ask that you refrain from giving Clayton your sack.

He’s had enough of those already.