From the Top Rope: Orton continues psychotic rampage

March 26, 2009 by Sharief Ali 

Latest exploits of WWE star confirm that he is seriously nuts

“I can’t seem to face up to the facts / I’m tense and nervous and I can’t relax / I can’t sleep ‘cause my bed’s on fire / Don’t touch me, I’m a real live wire / Psycho killer…”

This is the opening verse to The Talking Heads’ 1977 hit song, “Psycho Killer.”  You may have played it on “Rock Band 2” or heard it on “Heroes” as Sylar jammed out to it in his car. But make no mistake about it, this song perfectly describes just one person – Randy Orton.

On Monday’s episode of “Raw,” Orton cemented his place in history as one of the greatest American psychos in entertainment history.

As if Orton’s legacy wasn’t solidified before Monday, his actions at the end of “Raw” were just the icing on the cake.

As was discussed in this column over the last few weeks, Orton has been terrorizing the McMahon family – punting both Vince and Shane McMahon in the head and even hitting Stephanie McMahon with a brutal RKO.

Well, just when you thought Orton had done everything possible to the McMahons, he saved his best act of brutality for last.

For the main event on Monday night’s “Raw,” WWE champion Triple H was in a handicap match against Orton and his protégé Ted Dibiase Jr. The handicap ended up being more unbalanced soon after the match began when Cody Rhodes, Orton’s other protégé, came out from under the ring.

Within a minute, the three heels handcuffed Triple H to one of the ropes and beat him senselessly.  Then, Orton, in a fit of evil rage, ran under the ring and grabbed a sledgehammer, which is usually Triple H’s weapon of choice.

As Orton wound up to… well… murder Triple H, Stephanie McMahon, Triple H’s wife, ran down to plead with Orton not to crush her husband’s skull with the sledgehammer.

Well, Orton put down the sledgehammer and then grabbed McMahon as Triple H watched helplessly. What Orton did next was nothing less than insane.  Orton slammed McMahon’s face into the ground in the most brutal DDT hit… ever.  Then, as she lay unconscious, Orton looked at Triple H, smiled, and then began to kiss McMahon on the lips as a helpless yet irate Triple H looked on, kicking and screaming.

This has to go down as one of the most unpredictable moments in WWE and entertainment history. But to truly appreciate Orton’s insanity, we must put this psychotic act into perspective by comparing it with other famous psychos. So here are the top five psycho killers in American entertainment history:

5 – Denzel Washington in “Man on Fire.” Foolish Mexican kidnappers abducted the sweet little girl Washington was hired to protect, shooting him in the process. Under the impression that she was killed in captivity, Washington goes all out on the kidnappers, chopping off fingers, blowing up rectums and all sorts of craziness.

4 – Arnold Schwarzenegger in “Commando.” Once again, the sweet innocent girl, this time his daughter, is kidnapped, causing the Commando to go all kinds of apeshit on people, especially on Bennett, who has to “let off some steam” at the end.

3 – Gov. Jim Gibbons. Actually, he’s not a psycho killer, he’s just senile.

2 – Thelate Heath Ledger Joker from “The Dark Knight.” Money? Who needs money? He is pure sadism at its best, inflicting as much torture and agony as possible, just for the hell of it.

And the number one psycho killer of all time has to go to Christing Bale as Patrick Bateman from “American Psycho.” Anytime someone murders a rival broker with a fire ax while listening to “Hip to be Square” by Huey Lewis and the News, it’s nothing less than genius… Just like Randy Orton and the WWE.

FROM THE TOP ROPE is a column that seeks to explain life and politics through a WWE theoretical paradigm. It appears in every Thursday issue.