Cheating husband? It might be YOUR fault 
June 29, 2009 by Jessica Wilde
It can be hard to address other aspects of an unfaithful relationship
It is important for the reader of this piece to understand that I am not at all condoning cheating, but rather pointing out that the blame is not always to be put entirely on the cheater.
Sometimes the partner drives the unfaithful party to believe that infidelity is their last resort for happiness.
It is crucial to examine the reasons behind the disloyalty and if the couple is so inclined, work through those problems.
Some people choose to cheat because the situation is handed to them on a silver platter.
Others like the power or the ego boost it provides to be desired by someone besides one’s significant other. But some cheat out of dissatisfaction with their current situation, and while it is not the ideal solution, some may feel it is their only option.
Let’s examine the widely publicized case of Jon and Kate Gosselin, of the TLC show “Jon and Kate Plus 8.” Jon has been accused of having an extramarital relationship with grade school teacher Deanna Hummel.
Amidst the tabloid rumors and complications within the marriage, the Gosselins announced on the June 22 episode of their show that they are divorcing.
Kate has shown herself to be a rather poisonous woman.
Susannah Breslin, a writer for Slate, notes that Kate incessantly degraded Jon. Breslin writes, “In one episode, she actually chastised him for breathing too loudly. There she is in the supermarket ripping him a new one for being a lousy spouse.
There she is at the pumpkin patch shouting at him for being a substandard father.”
Is this the woman Jon thought he was marrying ten years ago? Certainly not. He probably would have likely ran a hundred miles an hour in the other direction.
Humans seek love, reassurance and loyalty in their partners and when they are no longer receiving those things, it is natural to search for them elsewhere.
People do not cheat because they are entirely unsatisfied with their current relationship, but rather because they are uncomfortable with the idea of letting go of the relationship while not getting what they’re looking for out of it.
Talk show host Dr. Laura Schlessinger sparked a protest after her comments regarding the subject. Schlessinger asserted, “When the wife does not focus in on the needs and the feelings [of her husband] he’s very susceptible to the charm of some other woman making him feel what he needs.”
Outrage from disgruntled wives in the audience broke out, harrowed by the thought that they should feel guilty if their husbands cheated. In fact, this was not what Schlessinger was trying to convey.
Her point was to suggest that women should be aware of all the factors contributing to their spouse’s disloyalty.
While one has duties to be honest and faithful in a relationship, one also has duties to be supportive and understanding. It is not fair to blame one party for not being honest and faithful if the other party is not being supportive and understanding. At the risk of sounding cliché, relationships are a two-way street.
It is more important to fix the problem, not to cast blame. This isn’t about finding who to blame. Solving problems with infidelity is about identifying problems within the relationship that led to the issues and discovering how to avoid them in the future.
Bravo.
I agree with Dr. Schlessinger to a point. With the advent of AshleyMadison.com and other enticing lures, men will stray if they don’t feel right at home. In order words, they may use an excuse. They will rationalize. They are sex driven and if the opportunity appears inviting, most men will not resist.
Therefore, if women recognize this mindset as problematic to a succesful marriage or relationship, moving toward eliminating those faults creates a more safe place to happily co-exist.
Men are lured by pornography. With a tremendous visual side of their lives, women should keep an eye on the internet usage.
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After proving more than two thousand cases of infidelity to aid the wounded spouse and children, nationally recognized private investigator Bill Mitchell agrees Governor Sanford will pay a price tag often out of one’s reach.
Considered the Dr. Phil of private detectives, Mitchell investigates the “7th Commandment” to include pastors who violate it. Known as the “7Day Detective” Mitchell authored a book seen on Dr. Phil as the key to unlocking an affair before it blooms into a destructive force.
The More You Know – Getting the evidence and support you need to investigate a troubled relationship has been considered a “gift” to those wanting help. Bill Mitchell, a local Greenville resident and licensed private investigator works nationally for clients who suspect their spouse is cheating on them.
The headline for this article is misleading.
Team Jon!
It’s great to read an article written by a woman that doesn’t lay all the blame for relationship failures at the door of a man.
Looks like Bill Mitchell saw the opportunity for a free advertisement, way to go Bill!
If you feel uncomfortable or unloved, confront your spouse. If that fails, seek counseling. If that fails, ask for a divorce. There’s no reason to cheat. If you’re unhappy, fix it, but cheating is a selfish way to boost your self-esteem by degrading the person you’re in a relationship with as well as the person you’re cheating with. You’re essentially telling both people that they’re not good enough for you. From the perspective of both the other woman/man and the wife/husband, this can be heartbreaking-even for someone “poisonous.” That’s my opinion, whether the unfaithful spouse is a man or a woman.
While IDEALLY confronting a significant other may work, more often than not, the warning signs go unheeded.
I’m not saying that cheating is the way, But many men who LOVE their woman, but hear about so many ‘headaches’ and issues that result in the male ’sleeping on the couch’, the door is WIDE open for some other woman to invade your space.
The key is that if a woman’s selfish nature has her ‘controlling’ the relationship as above, the relationship is doomed.
I honestly believe the majority of men ‘don’t really WANT’ to cheat but AGAIN a relationship is a partnership where EACH party are supposed to get their needs met.
Like a friend of mine once said, “Let’s see, her headaches, you sleeping on the couch, her not being in the mood, then she’s offended when you service yourself (porn), and of course cheating is out of the question, – REGARDLESS of who’s at fault the only reasonable solution for her is your BLUE BALLS, yeah where do I sign up for that”
LMAO!!!
Taja couldn’t have said it better. I agree!