MANATEE FAIR: God sues Christian music industry for copyright infringement 
January 14, 2010 by B.S. Shenanigans
Citing 634,778,923 instances of copyright infringement, the Almighty Lord God laid forth millions of subpoenas upon nearly every studio executive, artist and patron of the Christian music industry yesterday.
The subpoenas, breathed into existence by the Creator of heavens and earth and served by the angel Gabriel, claim that the Christian music industry “egregiously appropriated and employed texts and properties of the plaintiff for financial and creative advancement.”
“This is certainly a shocking development for our industry,” Sparrow Records representative Daniel Giavanti said. “Putting the Holy Word of God to music and turning a profit has been a way of life for hundreds of years. I’m not sure why, I guess no one ever thought they’d get caught.”
Most executives and artists are expected to settle out of court instead of tempt the wrath of Jehovah and bring hellfire and damnation upon themselves and their families.
“My client, God Almighty, El Shaddai, is certainly willing to settle with those who wish to avoid official and final Judgment,” former RIAA attorney Eli Goldstein announced yesterday in a heavenly press conference. “My client, Yahweh, has yet to announce the terms of settlement, but you could probably expect something along the lines of first-borns or a whole lot of animal sacrifices.”
It remains unclear to experts and clergy concerning God’s reasoning for bringing suit against the half-billion-dollar annual industry at this time, but few are willing to actually question the Lord’s infallible actions.
“Yeah, to do so would probably just cost more first-borns or animals,” Goldstein confirmed.
The all-knowing Master of all Creation has been thorough with his lawsuits, suing Christian superstars like Steven Curtis Chapman and Casting Crowns along with lesser known artists.
Los Angeles youth pastor James Lorrie is being sued for his recent performance of the Creation story accompanied by acoustic guitar which he performed at a youth night for a room of 3rd graders.
“Everything happens for a reason,” Lorrie said. “I guess I never thought to seek the Lord’s explicit permission to use his Word, but I guess everyone should be entitled to compensation for their work.”
While the situation seems grim for Christian music, a young defense attorney by the name of Jesus H. Christ has agreed to represent the defendants, promising limited or dropped penalties.
Very funny, but true!
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Actually, this “parody” is rooted in ignorance. Christian songwriters create original works and deserved to be paid for their use. The religious copyright exemption allows these songs to be used for free during religious services. If folks are offended by the idea of obeying the law and paying royalties for these non-exempt uses, they probably should not use those songs.
The ability of songwriters to be paid for their efforts allows them to create more and better music than they would be if they were doing it on a part-time basis. The quality of Christian music has improved dramatically because of this over the past twenty years.
If God should be suing anyone it is the manufacturers of Bible. Those are his words.
Mike, most christian songwriters tell me God gives them their songs.
However, I rarely if ever see God listed on the copyright.
Keith:
“Mike, most christian songwriters tell me God gives them their songs.
However, I rarely if ever see God listed on the copyright.”
Oh please. Many Christians (including me) believe that all of my gitts, inspiration and worldly possessions come from God. That does not mean that I want people to steal my car.
Just curious, how large is this sample of Christian writers that you claim to know? Most folks I know who revel in cheap shots against ministry have little contact with the objects of their scorn.
As for the silly claim that you don’t see God getting copyright listing, the copyright office doesn’t allow you to file God as a co-publisher.
Comedy is funny when it has a basis in truth. This article is not particularly funny to any but those who are ignorant of the truth and are instead seeking to belittle those who don’t share their particular views.
I think James Moore makes a good point when he asks why you are not whining about bible manufacturers. They actually are using God’s words
^— that would be nothing but pure opinion. valiant attempt to ruin the joke though! granted, i did not find the ‘article’ very humorous myself. however, the ‘punchline’ quickly changed my mind.
“^— that would be nothing but pure opinion. ”
Actually, it isn’t opinion at all, but the actual facts of how copyright law works and the nature of the works created by Christian artists.
Perhaps if you had any idea what you were talking about, your comments would not be so misinformed.
Our GOD is not concerned but loves the singers and songwriters. He is patient and longsuffering so that ALL the world would know Him,(JESUS) and come to repentance and follow His words
To “mike”: Why are you so serious? Did you miss the real point of the story? Or, at least, the real point that most people would instinctively perceive?
I do not know the real motivation or thoughts of the author/s of this comedic article. But, I highly commend him/her/them for this piece. I believe that THE IDEA the author was conveying is found in the very last sentence: “While the situation seems grim for Christian music, a young defense attorney by the name of Jesus H. Christ has agreed to represent the defendants, promising limited or dropped penalties.”
Take that as a satirical jab at Christianity (I doubt that was the motivation at all) or as a lighthearted take of God’s love. Nevertheless, this piece has nothing to do with demeaning musicians, songwriters, or copyright law. Very often, overanalyzing things leads us to drawing conclusions that are much farther than the truth–like apples and orange basketballs.