Organization washes away addiction

Events to focus on newcomers to field of treatment Read more

Spring into fashion

Learn about this season’s boldest trends and tips from local style expert Read more

Fighting the urge to splurge

New movie raises concerns about the effects of shopping too much Read more

Jargon of the crisis too convoluted for consumers

Confused consumers cannot make responsible decisions Read more

Store offers organic beauty products

Fruits and Passion specializes in helping Mother Earth, charities Read more

A new you for $50

Using those holiday gift cards have never been easier, cheaper Read more

Christmas debt hits students hard

Holidays deflate the wallet, tuition and fees don’t help students cope with economic struggle Read more

Christmas Shopping

After 12 months of economic recession, a holiday like Christmas is the financial equivalent of a middle finger and a kick in the nuts to any American.  For readers who are still fighting the good fight, I’m afraid that the barrage of “must-have gift” shopping for relatives and friends just might be the final blow, to bank accounts as well as metaphorical genitalia.

Perhaps more disturbing than the disparity between price tags and account balances is the denial of companies still expecting Americans to hand over piles of cash for stupid crap.  Whether it’s a $160 Millennium Falcon from Toys ‘R’ Us (recommended for 4-8 year-olds; seriously) or Apple’s idea of love at Christmas, a $1300 laptop with a wireless card that will still fail in two months, advertisements this holiday season resemble Nazi propaganda more than realistic gift marketing.  What?  Recession?  Nah.  And zee Allies have definitely not landed in France.

Of course, these prices and gifts are outrageous to any full-time working person, but what is a college student to do?  Investing in a gun and single bullet might sound like a viable option, but in case your situation has not become that desperate, here are a few more options that won’t leave you fending off awkward stares of disappointment:

Show up to holiday festivities with no gifts to give except a handle of vodka.  After enough Christmas cheer has been passed around, even your underage brother will forgive you for not getting him the latest Lil’ Wayne CD. 

Stage a violent car accident.  It’s a twofer:  family and friends will be so happy you’re alive, they’ll forget about presents, and a nice collection of insurance money might entitle you to a car upgrade.  Merry Christmas from Geico.

America’s last great pyramid scheme:  credit cards.

Rob the collection plate at various Christmas Eve services to repay your Dollar Loan Center debt.  These things run from like noon until late night on Christmas Eve.  If you schedule your day right, you can probably hit six or seven.  God helps those who help themselves, right?

I know that many of us will have to swallow some pride and shed some morals this holiday season in order to make ends meet, but it’s the price we pay for our grand holiday and exercise of selfish consumerism that is Christmas.  And remember, petty larceny can only get you six months, but the love shared at Christmas lasts a lifetime.

Black Friday reveals unfortunate truths

 

Good deals should never supersede human life Read more